Assalamualaikum! Ramadan Kareem to All the Muslims around the world! So Sorry for wishing late.
How is Ramadan going on with you all? I hope its going great and I pray that Allah's blessings and mercy be on us this Ramadan and the months after it! Ameen.
Today the topic is Dealing with people. Last time I mentioned about "Dealing with people with patience and smiling." If you haven't read that please check it out.
ACCORDING TO PEOPLE
Allah created all the human beings differently. No one is the same and you can't expect everyone to be the same. We all want to be friends with those who we have something in common with. That is very usual. But What about those people with whom we have nothing in common with or maybe somethings are common but majority is clashing with differences? How Do we deal with such people?
We all know we have to be kind and polite with everyone. But the question is, are we? If we are not kind or polite with them, What is the reason behind it? Why do we behave the way we behave? InshaAllah we'll try to discuss it with some hadiths and Quranic verses.
The Main people we are not good to is our parents. Basically, because there is a generation gap and our thinking don't match with each other. We need to understand the fact that they are our parents. They have gone according to us their entire lives. Whatever we wanted they have given us not thinking about themselves much. They have sacrificed so much for us we can't even repay! We seriously need to understand that if we want to be good to them. Remember all the favors they have done for us so we always look at them with respect and obey them.
One of the things I learned is that once a person hits the age 50 or above, you can't change ANYONE! Not even your parents. And why should we? All of a sudden we have become righteous and now we want everyone to become perfect all of a sudden? Things don't work this way. We know how much patience improves life and all our matters.
To deal with our parents, we need to go according to them. Not everything, but the things you know your parents might get angry or upset about. At least try to go according to their wish and their happiness even if it pierces you in the heart! Every child has to put some effort to make their parents be proud of them. Those kids are the one who always compromise their needs over their parents'. If you know your dad would be angry by serving him a cold tea, why do you take the risk? Make sure its hot. If you know your mom gets pissed by your dirty room, then don't! Why take the risk?
Also do something from time to time to make them happy by doing something they like. Something charitable. Every good thing with a good intention is accepted by Allah. This is mainly for the daughters, because we have very limited time to fully obey them and make them happy. (By limited I don't mean you are gonna die but you'll be married soon and have your own family to look after)
There are some parents who constantly criticize their children. It could be on how you have always failed them, on how you dress or look, what you do ETC. All you got to do at that situation is to zip your mouth, don't back answer and just say what you think is right in a polite manner. I am not an expert in giving dialogues, you can figure that out. I know how much worse the situation would get if you back answered. Do not even roll eyes, act fearless, or stand unaffected by anything. This is misbehavior!!!
Abdullah RadiAllah anhu narrated: Allah's Messenger Sallalahu Alai hi wasallam said, "A momin is not the one who taunts, curses, speaks indecently or abuses others." [Ibn Jabaan, Kitaab Al Imaan: 192]
Some of us are very talented and have a great convincing power. That is a really blessed gift from Allah. One who has it must wisely use it! :)
Allah the Exalted says in Surah Al Zumur-Ayaat 10: "Only those who are patient shall receive their reward in full, without reckoning".
Imagine, the reward will be given completely without even any questioning! What a great privilege that is! SubhanaAllah!
These things are definitely very hard to do because some of us were not brought up like that. It is hard for me too to be good to everyone sometimes. Allah The Exalted says in Surah Al Baqarah: 83 "And Speak good to people".
We have friends who don't like certain things which we like and there is an individual opinion in it. Appreciate them for who they are and what they like. Same thing goes for siblings. You can't bombard all the things you like on them and force them to like it. Do not expect others to do things according to your mood or your life. You do it according to others. Don't worry about others constantly. Forget about what people are doing wrong. Think of what you are doing wrong. You can always advice politely. Its just human nature when some people
have different opinions and views than you, they start contradicting with
you. But Islam doesn't teach that. All Muslims have to accept the
differences of their friends, relatives and siblings, get over it and
treat them with justice because Allah made every soul differently.Not everyone is naturally similar to us. Just accept the facts and move on.
Sometimes, making a big deal out of small things makes a big fuss. That is why majority of the divorces are on small silly issues like "she is not pretty", "He didn't buy me my favorite pair of shoes", "he watches t.v all the time and doesn't give me attention" ETC! Some couples are together even after all the biggest hardships ever faced. The best examples are our grandparents and our parents who are still together after all these years. mashaAllah! These are the real people who are patient and trust in Allah subhanAllah wa Ta'Allah to make their future better.
Never argue unnecessarily (only if its important and you are 100% intellect about your argument) and be harsh to others. Aisha RadiAllah anha narrated: The Prophet Muhammad Sallalahu Alai hi wasallam said, "The most hated person near Allah is the most quarrelsome." [Bukhari, Kitaab Al Muzaalim: 2457]
Abdullah RadiAllah anhu narrated: The Prophet Muhammad Sallalahu alai hi wasallam said, "Abusing a Muslim is sinful and killing him is disbelief."[Bukhari, Kitaab Al Imaan:48]
One of the things I have learned most is what you say can never be taken back and it will be either a regret or a joy for you. Most of the Arguments I've had were verbal and they were worse than physical. They are the most hurtful and irreversible.
Sahl bin Saad RadiAllah anhu narrated: Allah's Messenger Sallalahu Alai hi wasallam said, "Whoever can guarantee what is between his two jaws (the tongue) and what is between his two legs (private parts), I guarantee Paradise for him". [Bukhari, Kitaab Al Riqaaq: 6474]
Let us try to become a better person and a better Muslim. Forgive, be kind, compromise, appreciate and smile. Intend to do it for the sake of Allah. If you do it sincerely keeping in mind that you are doing for Allah, most of our bad habits and manners will reduce inshaAllah! :)
JazakumuAllah hu khairan for reading. I hope this helps us all.
Take care.
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